


Share Your Weight

by walkalittleline



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fjord please please hug your boy I'm begging, Gen, M/M, mild episode 88 spoilers, this is shipping light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:48:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21863242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkalittleline/pseuds/walkalittleline
Summary: “How are you doing?” Fjord says gently. “You seem… out of sorts here. Are you alright?”Caduceus makes a small, thoughtful noise.“That’s a loaded question,” he says, frowning as he tries to determine how best to answer it. He glances up at Fjord, seeing the soft concern in his eyes that makes the thought of lying wither away quickly.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 7
Kudos: 217





	Share Your Weight

Caduceus has just finished setting up the scattered ring of incense across the floor when there’s a gentle knock at the door.

“Come in,” he calls as he sits down in the circle, legs crossed under him and a small bowl of incense in the center. He looks up to see Fjord poke his head into the room with an inquisitive look that turns surprised when he sees the familiar set-up around Caduceus.

“I don’t mean to interrupt,” he says, “are you going to speak with Her?”

“Was hoping to get some answers before we dive headfirst into something I’m really not comfortable with,” Caduceus says with a nod.

“May I… join you?” Fjord says hopefully.

“Of course,” Caduceus replies, gesturing for him to sit across from him in the circle and smiling. “You’re always welcome. It’s nice having someone else to share it with.”

Fjord steps more fully into the room and shuts the door behind him. He’s dressed down, out of his armor but still with the medallion Caduceus had given him pinned to his belt in a prominent position. It makes his chest warm seeing him display it so proudly, especially in a place where their worship is forbidden. 

Fjord sits opposite him, folding his legs with some difficulty before giving him an expectant look.

“Is there anything you wanted to ask her?” Caduceus says. 

“Probably the same thing you want to,” Fjord says, grimacing. “What are we getting ourselves into? Is this stupid? Are we all about to die?”

Caduceus chuckles, lighting the bowl of incense and wafting the thin curl of smoke around them with one hand. Fjord closes his eyes as he inhales the smell, smiling.

“I never thought I’d come to find that so comforting,” he confesses. “It makes me feel… connected in a way.”

“That’s good,” Caduceus says with a smile. “Ready?”

“Actually,” Fjord says hastily as Caduceus shuts his eyes. He reopens them and gives Fjord a curious look.

“Before we start,” Fjord begins. “I had a question for you.”

“Alright,” Caduceus says, surprised.

Fjord clears his throat and shifts in his seat. His hands find Caduceus’ where they’re resting on his knees, fingers curling warm over Caduceus’ own. 

“How are you doing?” he says gently. “You seem… out of sorts here. Are you alright?”

Caduceus makes a small, thoughtful noise.

“That’s a loaded question,” he says, frowning as he tries to determine how best to answer it. He glances up at Fjord, seeing the soft concern in his eyes that makes the thought of lying wither away quickly.

“I’m… I’m not sure,” he says at last. “I don’t like it here. It’s too big. Too crowded. Too... unnatural. I miss my family, I don’t know what’s happening to my home, I can’t openly worship here, and I keep getting this _feeling_ that someone is behind me.” His voice is wavering by the time he falls silent and he coughs, swallowing hard.

“I thought I’d noticed you sticking to the walls in the Chantry,” Fjord says, quiet and sad. “Why haven’t you said anything?”

“I have,” Caduceus says a little incredulously.

“I mean _to_ me,” Fjord presses. “To anyone.”

“I don’t… there are bigger things happening here,” Caduceus mumbles.

Fjord’s expression falls to something pained and distressed.

“How could you say that?” he says, his fingers tightening around Caduceus’ hands. “You have done so much for all of us, for _me_. If you are hurting, please, _tell me_. Tell me what you need, Caduceus.”

Caduceus opens his mouth mutely, closing it again when his bottom lip trembles and tears spring hot and fast to his eyes, sliding down his cheeks before he can try and stop them.

“Oh, Caduceus,” Fjord sighs sadly, that same distressed look on his face as he shifts forward so he can wrap his arms around Caduceus’ middle. Caduceus buries his face almost automatically into his shoulder, having to hunch slightly to do it but gladly doing it to try and muffle his sniffles, tears soaking into Fjord’s tunic.

“I’m sorry,” Fjord murmurs, “I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner.”

Caduceus shakes his head. “My fault,” he croaks, “should have said.”

“None of us are blind, Caduceus,” Fjord cajoles gently. “I knew something was wrong and I meant to say something we’ve just been so… well, it’s no excuse. Especially with how much you take care of the rest of us.” He eases Caduceus back so he can look him in the eye. His eyes are deep amber, wide and concerned.

“We can ask Her,” he says, his hands still resting on Caduceus’ shoulders. “About your family.”

Caduceus breathes out a humorless laugh. “I guess I’m just… worried about what she might say,” he mumbles.

“I’m sure Jester would send a message,” Fjord suggests, “if you’d like.”

Caduceus shrugs one shoulder noncommittally.

“If you don’t want to, we don’t have to,” Fjord assures him. “I know I was… worried what I might find out if I reached out to Vandren. It’s easier sometimes… not knowing.”

Caduceus nods, looking down at his hands.

“I do want to know,” he says quietly. “But I feel like I’m betraying Her trust.”

“Getting yourself some peace of mind isn’t betraying Her,” Fjord says. His hand touches lightly under Caduceus’ chin so he looks up at him. “Caduceus. You can’t keep letting yourself bear all of this on your own. Talk to us. Talk to _me_. I will always be here to listen.”

Caduceus nods, sniffing.

“Alright?” Fjord says, brushing his thumb over Caduceus’ cheekbone to swipe away the drying tears. "Do you still want to Commune?"

Caduceus nods again and allows Fjord to pull him into another brief embrace, a little thrown by the kiss he presses to his cheek before he settles back in his seat again.

“Ready?” Fjord says, smiling as he takes Caduceus’ hands again.

“Yeah,” Caduceus says a little distantly, suddenly very aware of what Fjord’s hands feel like in his own. “Yeah, okay.”

Fjord squeezes his hands and gives him a reassuring nod. Caduceus shuts his eyes again, grateful for the excuse to not look directly at Fjord with the way his smile is suddenly making his stomach swoop and his palms sweat.


End file.
